Bayleighdwyer

Meeting His Kids

There was a mutual agreement between the kids Bio mom and my boyfriend about when they would bring new boyfriends/girlfriends around the kids. The agreement was 3 months after being in a stable relationship.

My boyfriend and I started dating in January of 2019. I met his kids the end of March 2019. It was a struggle to spend weekends without my boyfriend because I couldn’t hangout with him and his kids until 3 months was up.

It felt like I was missing a huge part of his life. Like a missing puzzle piece. He had people in his life that I couldn’t meet but I understood. I wouldn’t want my kids getting attached to someone that wasn’t long term.

The day I met his kids was the most stressful day of my life. It was the nerve wracking thing I’ve been through. I automatically had a 14 year old boy and a 4 year old boy in my life. I was scared, I felt like running but I didn’t. We went for lunch with my boyfriends aunt and my boyfriends 2 kids. The 4 year old cuddled me at the restaurant table like he knew me his whole life. It made the whole situation less stressful.

After meeting the boys, we got them every 2nd weekend. We would take turns picking them up. One weekend, I would go pick them up. Next weekend, my boyfriend would pick them up. It was always a nice feeling seeing the smile on my 4 year old step sons face when I stepped out of the vehicle to pick him up at daycare. If my boyfriend was the one picking them up, the 4 year old would ask where “baywee” was until he got to our house.

I went about 3 months without “parenting” the kids. Until the day my boyfriend was having a rough time parenting/disciplining. I stepped in and started to parent. We obviously needed to be a team and we had to take turns being the fun parent. That’s when my relationship with the boys changed.

I was no longer just the fun parent. I was a parent who was fun some days and the one who disciplined the next day. My 4 year old step son seemed to hate coming to our house. He always asked when he was going back to his mom or why his dad wasn’t living with his mom anymore. It hurt but I knew I had to continue to parent unless I wanted to be stepped on letting him get away with things I wouldn’t want my own kids doing/saying.

Time outs hurt, sending him to his room hurt, watching him cry HURT but that’s the tough part about parenting.

Relationship Background

Fast forward to 20 years old I was really starting to give up on finding the Love of My Life. All my friends from high-school were either having babies or getting married. I was working long construction hours and trying hard to manage a stable relationship in between.

I dated ALOT of “wrong” guys. I dated guys completely opposite of me. From military guys to home town guys. I was usually the breakup’er and it was very rare that someone broke up with me.

I reconnected with an old college friend. We started seeing each other as weeks went on. He moved in with me. We moved to a bigger house and got a dog (I named her Cali).

Life was great… until he proposed to me. It seemed like he thought he had me held hostage and he could start showing his true colours. All of a sudden there were more bad times over good times. I would go to the gym at 4am before work just to “get away”.

I was in a depressed state. I signed a 1 year lease with him in this new house. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to lose my dog or the house and have my family say “we told you so”.

The bad times just made my life miserable. He would steal my alcohol that was clearly hidden away from him, he would cause havoc at the neighbors and he would threaten to kill himself every argument we had.

The night I finally had enough was the night he got verbally abusive and smashed a bottle in the garage. I needed to get him out for my safety. He threatened to jump off a bridge. when his friend told him not to, he walked back to my house and grabbed a rope. Said he was going to hang himself. At this point, I’m exhausted. I told him to do it. *heartless of me* but I knew he wouldn’t do it. The people that talk about it are the ones that just want attention (in my opinion)

I had my life planned out with this guy who turned into an abusive alcoholic. My hopes and dreams with him were gone. Thrown out the window. Time to start all over again but did I really want to go through the dating stage again?

I worked on a construction site full of nice guys. Guys that wanted to take me on a date, guys that just wanted to be friends and this one special guy that smiled and checked me out every time I drove by him on site.

January 2019, that special guy asked me to be his girlfriend. I can never explain how he changed my view on men. After dating such shitty people, I finally had someone to fulfill my hopes and dreams with but there was a catch…

He had 2 kids of his own. All of a sudden the thought of being a step mom didn’t seem so bad because of how much I loved this guy. I knew I would love his kids like my own. https://notalonestepmom.family.blog/

My Hopes and Dreams

When I was younger, about 14 years old. I always dreamed about what my family was going to look like. Would I have all boys? Would I have all girls? Would they look like me? Would they look like their dad?

Back then I thought “I’d never date anyone with children”. It wasn’t my dream to be a step parent to someone else’s children. You always see on movies about how terrible step kids treat their step parents. Yelling “you’re not my mom” and “you can’t tell me what to do”. Then the kids try everything in their power to get their parents back together by turning the step parent against their partner aka the biological parent.

For some people, being a step mom is all the want. Other people can’t imagine helping raise another woman’s kid. Not only did you have to worry about building a relationship with the kids but you have to worry about building a relationship with the ex. You have to have a damn strong head on your shoulders to go through building a relationship with other people on the picture other than your partner (like in a normal relationship).

I didn’t start this blog to bash anyone. I started this to help people through rough times and tell my story because it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies like some people make it out to be.

So sit tight and follow my story about what I have been through the past couple years!